Sunday, 2 February 2014

Pun on Profession!!!

The following is a collection from various sources, primarily magazines, including the Reader's Digest. Read each of the following with the prefix I could have been.
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I could have been . . .
A historian
But I realised there was no future in it.
A HR Manager
But was not hired.
In the Juice factory
But I could not concentrate.
In the Juice factory
But I got canned.
In the muffler factory
But it was too exhausting.
A lumberjack
But I couldn't hack it.
A lumberjack
But they gave me the axe.
A tailor
But it was a sew-sew job.

The complete list
I could have been . . .
An accountant
But, I did not get an entry.
An actor
But, my father created a scene.
An aeromodeller
But, I wanted more than plane fun.
An archeologist
But, I didn't want my career in ruins.
An architect
But, I only built castles in the air.
An architect
But, my plans weren't realized.
An artist
But, my father drew the line.
An athlete
But, there were too many hurdles.
An aviator
But, I didn't want to be accused of putting on airs.

A baby sitter
But, I found it no child's play.
A balloonist
But, the idea vanished in thin air.
A balloonist
But, the idea didn't get off the ground.
In the band
But, I hate blowing my own trumpet.
A bank robber
But, it was not a safe job.
A banker
But I wasn't interested.
A banker
But I was penny wise and pound foolish.
A barman
But, I didn't have the spirit for the thing.
A batsman
But, I couldn't stand the pace.
A bell ringer
But, I didn't have the pull.
A billiard player
But, nobody gave me a break.
A book keeper
But, I always returned those I borrowed.
A bra manufacturer
But I went bust.

A carpenter
But, I shelved the idea.
A carpenter
But, it went against the grain.
A cashier
But, they did not account for me.
A chauffer
But, I didn't have the drive.
A chauffer
But I drove everyone round the bend.
A chef
But, I cooked my own goose.
A chimney sweep
But, it did not soot me.
A clock maker
But I had to wind up.
A cobbler
But, I didn't tell a sole about it.
A cobbler
But, I knew it wouldn't last.
A coffee shop owner
But, I couldn't stand the grind.
A comedian
But, my friends laughed at the idea.
A computer specialist
But, I was not programmed for it.
A cook
But, I didn't want to curry favour.
A champion cyclist
But, the laundry lost my pedal pusher.

A dentist
But, I did not have the pull.
A dentist
But, I didn't know the drill.
A dentist
But, I disliked a hand-to-mouth existence.
A dentist
But, I missed the opportunity by the skin of my teeth.
A detective
But, nobody gave me a clue to get started.
A doctor
But, fate did not prescribe it for me.
A doctor
But, I got sick of it.
A doctor
But I didn't have time to practice.

An electrical engineer
But, I had no connections.
An electrician
But, I knew nothing about current affairs.
An electrician
But, sparks flew at the suggestion.
An examiner
But, it was just a passing phase.
An Egyptologist
But, mummy objected.
A farmer
But, it wasn't my field.
A farmer
But, the idea never cropped up.

A gambler
1. But I didn't stand a chance.
2. But odds were stacked against me.
A geologist
But, I disliked finding faults.
A golfer
1. But, I couldn't get into the swing of things.
2. But, I did not have the drive.
A gravel merchant
But, I didn't have the grit.
A guitarist
1. But, I didn't have the pluck.
2. But I preferred a job with no strings attached.
A gunner
But, I set my sights too high.

A hardware engineer
But, I did not have the drive.
A historian
But, I let bygones be bygones.
A hockey player
But, I could not stick to it.
A horticulturist
But my plans didn't take roots.
An icecream vendor
1. But I lost my cool.
2. But I had to go into liquidation.
An iron monger
But, I scrapped the idea.

A jockey
But, I didn't want to get saddled.
A joiner
But, I couldn't make ends meet.
A juggler
But, things got out of hand.
A juggler
But, I dropped the idea.
A lawyer
But, that didn't appeal to me.
A lexicographer
But, I am a man of few words.
A librarian
But, they were fully booked.

A magazine editor
But, I didn't want to make an issue of it.
A magician
But, it didn't materialize.
A magician
But, I was only fooling myself.
A marksman
But, I did not stick to my guns.
A mathematician
But, I had too many problems.
A mathematician
But, I was always in sixes and sevens.
A mechanic
But, I had a break down.
A midwife
But, the labour pains me.
A milkman
But, the scheme turned sour.
A milliner
But I talked through my hat.
A miner
But, the job was beneath me.
A money lender
But, I lost interest in it.
A mountaineer
But, I couldn't make the grade.
A mountaineer
But, I didn't aim high enough.
A musician
But, I wasn't noteworthy.

A neuro-surgeon
But, I didn't have the nerve.
A novelist
But then it would have been a really different story.
A nuclear scientist
But, I didn't have the energy.
A palmist
But, that wasn't my line.
A paper manufacturer
But I had to fold up.
A parachutist
But, who wants to be a drop-out.
A pharmacist
But, fate did not prescribe this job for me.
A photographer
But, things did not click.
A pilot
1. But I always flew into a rage.
2. But, the idea never took-off.
A plumber
But I wasn't able to tap my potential.
A pole vaulter
But, I wasn't up to it.
A policeman
But, I lacked an arresting personality.
A postman
But, I was not a man of letters.
A postman
But, I did not deliver.
A printer
But, I wasn't the type.
A programmer
But, I got bugged.
A prompter
But, I found another line.
A psychiatrist
But, the thought made me shrink.

A sailor
But, the wind was not in my favour.
A shoe salesman
But, I was given the boot.
A shopkeeper
But, fate had something else in store.
A singer
But, I heeded the voice of reason.
A skipper
But, I missed the boat.
A sprinter
But, I was on the wrong track.
A statistician
But, I hadn't got the figure.
A stock broker
But, didn't make any cents.
A swimmer
But, I had a stroke.
A swimmer
But, the idea didn't hold water.


A tailor
But, I'd cut a sorry figure.
A tailor
But, it did not suit me.
A taxidermist
But the job was too stuffie.
A telepath
But my mind wasn't on the job.
A telephone operator
But, I didn't have the proper connections.
A tennis player
But, I did not have the guts.
A test cricketer
But, the selectors gave me the slip.
A tobacconist
But, it turned out to be a pipe dream.
A trumpeter
But, I blew it.

A watch maker
But, I had second thoughts.
A witch doctor
But, only for a spell
A yachtsman
But, I didn't know the ropes.
A zoo-keeper
But I brought out the beast in everyone.
Pun